For some reason, I thought today would be an instant ending to all of the difficulties, frustration and sadness I've felt for the past 15 months. I was definitely wrong.
You can't just turn off love. It gradually fades and eventually dies, but it's a process. And a long one.
I think that best describes how I felt today. It's like knowing a family member or friend who's in the hospital, dying. You know the end is becoming a reality, but still you hold onto hope because it's all you have. Nobody wants someone they love to die. Nobody wants love to die.
So you wait and you pray and you do your best to stay positive despite the circumstances. In the back of your mind you push back thoughts that maybe it would be easier for the person to die. Their pain and suffering would end, and they would be in a better place. But still we love and hold onto hope.
When it happens, you're overwhelmed with sadness and tears even though part of you feels relief. It's a strange mix of emotions that settles right into your heart. A part of you has died, and you know they're not coming back.
All wounds need time to heal, and eventually they become a distant memory. Life goes on. Life begins anew.
Here's to new beginnings.
May 24, 2013