Jesus really does love me a whole lot. If he were here, he'd chase me down the street while laughing deep belly laughs. He'd walk with me down the sidewalk and let me talk about my day. He would give me a huge bear hug, smile and tell me everything's gonna be ok.
He'd sit with me and tell me he understands what I'm going through. Then he'd be quiet and just let me cry. He'd tell me it's ok to hurt. It's ok to not have all the answers. It's ok to be angry. It's ok to feel.
He'd tell me again and again that he just wants the best for me. And that even when things really suck, he's got my back. He'd tell me every day until I actually believed it were true. And on days when I'd forget, he'd simply smile and tell me again.
I like to think I'm ok, that I have everything under control, and most of the time I even fool myself. The truth is that I have no clue. I can't control anything, I can only pretend and trust.
But mostly I just need to trust. Trust that someone bigger than me has my back. Trust that he wants the best for me even when things suck. Mostly, just trust.
September 23, 2012