I felt unexpectedly emotional standing in line, waiting for my turn in the water. Emotional, yet overwhelmingly thankful for Jesus and his immeasurable love, grace and forgiveness. I barely heard friends cheering, almost forgot to hold my breath.
Afterwards I felt strangely at peace, felt like I was glowing. I felt excited and happy. 3 hours later and I still feel this way. I don't quite understand it, but I'm thankful for it.
Tonight I was reminded of the times I've been ashamed to mention the name of Jesus for fear that people will laugh or reject me. Times when I knowingly sin because I want what I want. Of the times I've been angry at people and treated them like shit. Times when I hide and cover up my sin, and think there's no way Jesus or anyone could ever love me if they knew what I was going through.
A New Identity
I used to have this saying I really identified with: "Fucked up and in need of a saviour." I meant it as a good thing, to declare how bad I was.
Then the other day it hit me like an unexpected punch to the gut. I was fucked up and need of a saviour, but Jesus has saved me and made me new. I'm no longer the person I used to be. And it's all because of the amazing grace of Jesus.
I never want to forget my past because it reminds me ever so clearly of how awesome Jesus is. Even so, my past does not define me - now I have a new identity and it's found in Jesus.
March 04, 2012