For over a decade I was addicted to porn. I led student events, went to worship conferences, and even worked at a church for seven years. I spent over ten years lying to myself and others. I became an expert at doing and saying all the right things to make me look good in front of people, but no one knew the secret I kept buried deep inside my heart.

More important than the work you do and things you build is the condition of your heart. You can solve the most complex problems, build intricate systems, and surpass your peers with your development skills, but if your heart isn't in the right place, you haven't won. What is your heart full of?

It's a slow process, but I'm learning that any of the plans that Jesus has for me—no matter how difficult or ridiculous or hurtful they may seem—are always better than the best plans I could ever dream up on my own.

For some reason, I thought today would be an instant ending to all of the difficulties, frustration and sadness I've felt for the past 15 months. I was definitely wrong.

The dryer had been going for nearly an hour and all I wanted was some sleep. I was tired. Worn out. Then came the nagging, annoying little squeak. It started small, then developed into a large, rhythmic, obnoxious scrape of metal on metal. It had been a long day and i was ready for bed, so i did what any normal human being would do. I ignored it. It didn't work.

I like to be in control, to know how things are going to work out. I want to plan and think through all of the options. While this is ultimately good, it can be bad if I'm not being obedient and following what God is leading me to do.

My dad is a pastor, and I grew up in church. I kind of remember praying to ask Jesus in my heart sometime when I was only 3. I always thought I was saved—I knew the Bible, was active in the youth ministry, always tried do the right things, tithed regularly, and even worked in a church for 7 years. I was always doing stuff, feeling like my constant activity made God happy.

There are going to be awesome days and shitty days. When things suck, and you're busy and overwhelmed, don't forget that your strength is in Jesus. He is the one that called you, and he is the one that will sustain you.

Below are some of the notes that really stood out or hit home during SLC. I felt like so many things were spoken directly to me—it was crazy. I'll probably add a few more sessions later when I have some time!

Jesus really does love me a whole lot. If he were here, he'd chase me down the street while laughing deep belly laughs. He'd walk with me down the sidewalk and let me talk about my day. He would give me a huge bear hug, smile and tell me everything's gonna be ok.

This theme of being a religious person, but not knowing Jesus has been on my mind so strongly the past few days. The crazy thing is when you're in the middle of it — being religious — you aren't even aware of it!

I felt unexpectedly emotional standing in line, waiting for my turn in the water. Emotional, yet overwhelmingly thankful for Jesus and his immeasurable love, grace and forgiveness. I barely heard friends cheering, almost forgot to hold my breath.

I believe God wants to grow the church and reach people like me. People tired of church as it is, tired of normal and religious. For people who are searching. I believe he wants to show himself fresh and new and powerful. I want to support that, I want to be a part of that. I want to help. I want to serve.